Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions."First, you must wear a
diaphragm. Cinderella agrees. What's the second condition?" "You must
be home by 2 a.m.Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a
pumpkin."Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.Finally, at 5 a.m.,
Cinderella shows up, looking lovestruck and **very** satisfied."Where
have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago". "I met a prince,
Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with
that kind of power Tell me his name" "I can't remember, exactly ..Peter
Peter, something or other...."
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me, Tell the Truth, Lie to me, Tell the Truth"...... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm gonna throw up your little red dress, pull down your little red pants and I'm going to screw your little red socks off" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "Oh no you're not. You're going to eat me, Just like it says in the book"
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No, No, No, Wait, .... I said she was fuckin Goofy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters whenever they had sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever need indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?