Signs

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Plumber: "We repair what your husband Fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's Hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call you."

At A Laundry Shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an Electricians truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area: " If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room Door: "Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrists Office "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Butchers window: "Let me meat your needs."

On a fence: "Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

At a car Dealership : "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming."

Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

In a Veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay! "

At the Electric Company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

 

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