![[IMAGE]](greenguy.gif){kind=small}
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
NEW
OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work
dressed according to
your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes
and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well
financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly,
you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer
clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just
right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a
raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's
statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are
able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104
personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is
being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in
the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be
taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on
the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone
caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental
health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny
people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can
look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get
a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure..
* Chubby people get
5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a
Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are
here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
The
Management