Hollywood Squares
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FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER
Hollywood
Squares:
These great questions and
answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking
the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what is a
good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde:
Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up
almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q.
Do female frogs
croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If
you hold their little heads under water long
enough.
Q.
If you're going to make a
parachute jump, at least how high should you
be
A. Charley
Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do
it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last
as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've been
having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts:
That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to
Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it
okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until
morning.
Q. Which of your five senses
tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of
decency..
Q. In Hawaiian,
does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
You'?
A. Vincent Price:
No, you can say it with a pineapple and a
twenty..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can
Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow
older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while
talking?
A. Rose Marie:
You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture
you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do
Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too
easily.
Q.. Charley, you've just decided
to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first
year?
A.. Charley
Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q. In bowling,
what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin
boy.
Q.
It is considered in bad taste
to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the
other?
A. Paul Lynde:
Tape measures..
Q. During a
tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the
closet?
A. Rose Marie:
Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the
bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire
Girls?
A.. Marty Allen:
Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a
dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde:
Make him bark?
Q. If you were
pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul Lynde:
Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the
dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is
there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of
people?
A. Charley
Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most
abused and neglected part of your body, what is
it?
A. Paul Lynde:
Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't
neglected.
Q. Back in the old
days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to
do?
A. George Gobel:
Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays
pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my
elephant?
Q. When a couple
have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the
rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason
recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on
at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His
feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers,
what are two things you should never do in
bed?
A. Paul Lynde:
Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE
GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP
LAUGHING.
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