Subject:
That's The Ticket
FOR MEN
TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be
opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a
woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to
support you.
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Why do women have
smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is
about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once
told me..."
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How do you fix a
woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than
women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
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If your dog is
barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do
you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male
Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just
didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for
18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a
food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My
wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created
the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created
Woman. Since then, neither God nor
Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their
wives? They want to.
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A beggar
walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive
and said, "I
haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I
had your willpower."
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Young Son:
"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement
in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all
said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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The most effective way to
remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once.
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Women will never be equal to
men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are beautiful.
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