Thoughts
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Gentle thoughts for today:
1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
Think About These
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
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A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
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"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you."
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I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
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Bumper sticker: Honk if you love peace and quiet.
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Despite the cost of living have you noticed how it remains so popular?
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Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
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It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
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Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, some one would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
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You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
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The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
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I wished the buck stopped here, 'cause I could use a few.
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I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
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When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough get out of jury duty.
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